Scary Close

This is one of the easiest reads of the entire discipleship journey. We use it as an easy read to prompt disciples to talk about their lives, their relationships, and trust. If we are using this book past the halfway mark of Year Three, we use our open review plan (see below). We take three weeks to read and review it according to this plan (theme tips are included),

Week 1: Chapters: Introduction, 1–5
Theme Tip: Taking Off the Mask — Miller invites us to drop the performance act, question our need for approval, and step toward authentic intimacy.

• Where in your life do you “perform” instead of being real?
• How has the fear of rejection shaped your relationships?
• What masks feel hardest for you to lay down?

Week 2 : Chapters: 6–10
Theme Tip: Relearning Connection — The middle of the book explores honesty, listening, and redefining love as showing up fully present instead of trying to control others’ perceptions.

• What does Miller suggest about honesty being more attractive than perfection?
• How does listening create deeper trust in relationships?
• When have you confused control or people-pleasing for love?

Week 3 : Chapters: 11–16, Epilogue
Theme Tip: Living Intimacy Out Loud — Miller moves from lessons to practice: choosing vulnerability, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to love and be loved without pretense.

• Which story or lesson most challenged how you approach intimacy?
• What role do boundaries play in authentic closeness?
• How might your relationships change if you risked being fully known?

Our open review plan is simple. We actually let the room speak and talk as a room for the first time in two and a half years! Why? As you move closer to the end of Year Three, you should be focused on preparing the disciples to leave the process of discipleship and move to the daily practice of discipleship. You are preparing for release and moving the relationship from a leader to a peer relationship slowly over time. This open review is a first step.