Ministering to Problem People in Your Church

Marshall Shelley

Every church has them; sincere, well-meaning Christians who leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake. They don’t intend to be difficult; they don’t consciously plot destruction or breed discontent among the members. But they often do undermine the ministry of the church and make pastors question their calling.

How do you deal with them? How do you avoid being them?

Ministering to Problem People in Your Church, formerly titled Well-Intentioned Dragons, guides church leaders in facing the strenuous task of dealing with difficult people, even ministering while under attack. Based on real-life stories of battle-scarred veterans, Marshall Shelley presents a clear picture of God’s love for those on both sides of the problem. He describes tested strategies to communicate that love and turn dissidents into disciples.

This book's Disciple Making Purpose

Ministering to Problem People in Your Church may be intended for church leaders but we find it critical at this step for three reasons: to help disciples self-correct their relationship with leadership and the fellowship; to refresh the idea of a servant (fellow minister) mindset (Step 6); and, to do some preventative maintenance as they approach Consecration (Step 9). Disciples are likely to see themselves, or their patterns, in the stories and examples in this book. This allows us to call them to action to function healthily in the body. Many of the examples and instruction relate to congregants not being good followers or expecting leaders to do the work. This allows calls to action like, “How can you serve the leaders by being part of the solution and bearing the load?” There is a quiet side-effect of the book in that it allows us to refer back to the truths when disciples are struggling to go all-in asking, “What is the effect on your life and the work of Christ if you check out now? Will you unintentionally become a well-intentioned dragon?”

Key Topics or Truths

Stressful People in Church
Leading Difficult People
What Difficult People Look Like

This Book is Good For...

Everyone, anywhere, in any church, at any time, on any planet always… we have all been this person and we have all dealt with these people. Let’s stop the madness!

How We Use this Book to Make Disciples

PRINT

We have the disciples read this book in two weeks using the following breakdown,

  • Week 1 : Forward, Introduction, + Chapters 1 – 5
  • Week 2 : Chapters 6 – 11, + Epilogue

As we review, we ask a lot of questions with the intent of creating individual thought vacuums. We do not always ask the same question to each individual (though we might run the same question for a few of the disciples in the group) because every disciple is hearing and processing the questions asked. The goal is three-fold:

  • Disciple self-awareness,
  • Disciples’ awareness of how other people dragon them, and
  • Disciples thinking deeply and connecting scripture to each chapter.

As we guide the discussion,

  • We ask disciples to not only come up with Biblical support but, also, to connect each chapter to a real story in the Bible,
  • Call them to action asking questions like, “Have you ever been this person?” or “Have you ever dealt with someone like this?”, and
  • We might ask, “Are you this person?” following the question with a call to action for change.

You simply have to follow the Spirit when you are guiding this discussion. As well, you need to believe in the disciples if they say that they do not suffer from one of the challenges Shelley writes about. Even if they seem not self-aware, remember that it is God’s job to get them aware – not yours. Overall, connecting the chapter topics and truths to Biblical history causes the related principles and revelations to come to life.

Real Life Story

“You know, I hear that Harriet is thinking of leaving the church. You should contact her…” Sally said as she pulled me aside on a Sunday morning right before I was getting ready to teach. If only Sally could see the flaw! If only she could connect God’s truths to her statement. There were so many things I wanted to ask like “How many people told you this? Who told you this? Are you friends with Harriet? Do you know what she did last week? Why don’t you take her to coffee and not mention this? Why are you coming to me?” I put a copy of this book in Sally’s hands, told her I loved her and invited her to talk over coffee after she read the book. The change was amazing. She apologized. I told her not to apologize. She had taken Harriet out to dinner just to be friends. She went back to the “people” who talk to her and talked to them about idle talk. Sally was never the same.

Know Issues or Controversies

No known issues

This book was formerly titled Well Intentioned Dragons, Ministering to Problem People in Your Church. It was updated and republished flipping the title. It now includes two additional chapters: Electronic Warfare and When the Mind Isn’t Quite Right. You may need to buy a new copy to lead your group.

The SD team loves this book because it really opens people’s eyes to their dragon tendencies. It is a valuable inverse push showing the everyday Christian what to avoid in their church community life.

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Marshall Shelley
Book Details
Pathway Steps: 6, 9, 10
  • Phase: Year 2
  • Book Type: Non-Fiction
  • Flair: By Example, Instructive
  • Tags: Christian Living, Easy Read, Leadership
Reading Time
Two Weeks
Start Reading After Week 23
14 Pages per Day
12 Minutes per Day
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