Well-Intentioned Dragons

APPLICATION WRITTEN BY

Staff Writer

Every church has them–sincere, well-meaning Christians who leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake. They don’t intend to be difficult; they don’t consciously plot destruction or breed discontent among the members. But they often do undermine the ministry of the church and make pastors question their calling.

How do you deal with them? How do you avoid being them?

Well-Intentioned Dragons guides church leaders in facing the strenuous task of dealing with difficult people–even ministering while under attack. Based on real-life stories of battle-scarred veterans, Marshall Shelley presents a clear picture of God’s love for those on both sides of the problem. He describes tested strategies to communicate that love and turn dissidents into disciples.

Key Topics or Truths

Stressful People in Church
Leading difficult people
What difficult people look like

This Book is Good For...

This book is good for everyone, anywhere, in any church, at any time, on any planet always… we have all been this person and we have all dealt with these people. Let’s stop the madness!

How I Use this Book to make disciples

I have the disciples read this book over the course of two or three weeks, depending on how well we are making forward motion. I discuss each week’s assigned chapters in the following week’s meeting. I ask a lot of questions. I create thought vacuums. My goal is three-fold:

  • Disciple self-awareness
  • Disciples’ awareness of how other people dragon them
  • Disciples thinking deeply and connecting scripture to each chapter.

I ask disciples to not only come up with Biblical support but to connect each chapter to a real story in the Bible – to see the principles or revelation come to life in God’s history of humankind. The truth of Well-Intentioned Dragons comes to life when stories from the Bible and stories from our life are connected to Shelley’s principles.

I love this book because it really opens people’s eyes to their dragon tendencies. I know this was written for leaders on how to deal with difficult people (and, it does that well) but it is just as valuable showing the everyday Christian what to avoid in their church community life.

Real Life Story

“You know, I hear that Harriet is thinking of leaving the church. You should contact her…” Sally said as she pulled me aside on a Sunday morning right before I was getting ready to teach. If only Sally could see the flaw! If only she could connect God’s truths to her statement. There were so many things I wanted to ask like “How many people told you this? Who told you this? Are you friends with Harriet? Do you know what she did last week? Why don’t you take her to coffee and not mention this? Why are you coming to me?” I put a copy of this book in Sally’s hands, told her I loved her and invited her to talk over coffee after she read the book. The change was amazing. She apologized. I told her not to apologize. She had taken Harriet out to dinner just to be friends. She went back to the “people” who talk to her and talked to them about idle talk. Sally was never the same.

Know Issues or Controversies

No known issues

Share this post

Notify me of new posts

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Marshall Shelley
Book Details
  • Phase: Discipleship 2, Discipleship 3
  • Book Type: Non Fiction
  • Flair: Instructive, Relatable or Storytelling
  • Tags: Christian Living, Leadership
Reading Time
Two Weeks?
Related Reads
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x

How to Make Disciples

Two Chapter Preview

How to Make Disciples

Choose your preview format...

1
2
3
SD Coaching Deck Week 3
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14

WEEK three – CARD ONE

Your focus

This is your first week to hear how their Bible review time went. Results will be varied. Listen well and listen to the Spirit as you guide.

WEEK three – CARD two

Your focus

You are reminding them to prevent "cross talk", to keep prayers focused, and to have disciples look for applicable truths.

WEEK three – CARD three

your focus

You are a cheerleader this week. The method works but it takes time for disciples to get it. Which means leaders need to be patient.

WEEK three – CARD four

your focus

You are preparing them to introduce the Quick Smart Start workbook as extra reading.

WEEK three – CARD five

coach them

ask

How did your group go overall?

Did everyone show up?
Did everyone participate?

How do you feel it went?

Was there much cross-talk?
We you able to keep to keep control and guide individuals?

Encourage them to embrace the fact that SD Groups are different and to be patient as folks get with the plan.

WEEK three – CARD six

coach them

ask

How did the prayer time go? Did you interrupt anyone to get them focused on what you asked them to pray?

Did anyone seem put off by your guidance?
Did they get the idea?

What questions do you have?

Introduce the SNAP Method.

WEEK three – CARD seven

snap prayer time method

The SNAP Method gives disciples a simple way to think about what D-Group prayer time is all about and how to talk to God personally.  As if Jesus walked in the room and said, “What can I do for you?” 

S – SPECIFIC
If they pray, “God help me financially,” you may guide saying, “What exactly do you need? Fifty dollars? Wisdom on budget planning.” Disciples need to learn to ask God for exactly what they need. 

N – NECESSARY
If they pray, “God give me a boat,” it might be interesting to ask, “Hey Bob, do you need a boat?”

A – ANSWERABLE
If Mary prays, “God save my husband,” you probably need to stop and say, “Mary, can God save your husband or does he have to choose God on his own? What can you ask God for that he can do in this situation?”

P – PERSONAL
Guide them to ask for what they need. Not what their aunt or boss needs.

WEEK three – CARD eight

coach them

ask

How did the Bible review go?

  • Did most highlight applicable truths?
  • Was there significant cross-talk?
  • Did you cover all of the reading?
  • What did you do if you didn’t know the answer?

It is safe to assume that most, if not all, groups DID NOT cover all the chapters. This is to be expected. It takes time for the disciples and the leader to get in the groove.

Use the tips on card nine, “Keeping Bible Review on Track,” to help them keep efficient.

Share “When and How to Catch Up” on card ten.

WEEK three – CARD nine

keeping bible review on track

It takes a few weeks to get Bible review efficient. Here are some startup tips.

  1.  Are they reading highlighted verses or just telling you what they highlighted and why? If everyone re-reads the verses out loud, it can double Bible review time.
  2.  Are you asking, “How does that apply?” for every highlight? If they seem to have gotten the truth, just affirm and move on. Listen to the Spirit. If you aren’t sure what to do, move on. Trust God to use His word and His Spirit.
  3. Is some “engineer” or “scholar” highlighting everything in the world? Gently guide them to highlight what the Spirit makes jump off the page instead of what they are searching for. It can take time for folks to adjust from needing to learn everything to just reading and highlighting what jumps off the page.
  4. Are they staying focused on applicable truths? In the first few weeks of Bible review, you will be teaching and re-teaching the highlighting method. Remember, this is a process and takes time to get going. Stay positive.
  5.  Challenge your group saying, “Let’s see if we can beat our chapter review record from last week.”

WEEK three – CARD ten

when and how to catch up

If you get behind in Bible review and have to leave some chapters undone, here are a few ideas and tips to decide if and how you should catch up.

Always Finish the Current Week First
It can feel hopeless never moving forward. So if you left a few chapters undone last week, ignore them until you finish this week. If you don’t finish this week, don’t even mention last week.

Always Cast Hope
We want to finish review so everyone gets everything they can get. But remember that the truths they highlighted (and everything else they read) is in them. God can and will use it to transform them. If you can’t finish, be positive. Maybe say, “I know we are still getting this down (or we had a tough week), don’t worry about it. When we get time, we will get back to those chapters. We will get this down.”

Use the Quick Fire Method
When you are doing pretty well getting each week done, chop ten minutes out of extra-Biblical review and say, “We missed X chapters last week. Let’s see how many highlights we can flush in the next ten minutes. Ready? Go!”

WEEK two – CARD eleven

coach them

talk

This week you will be handing out the first extra-Biblical reading, Quick Smart Start.

Quick Smart Start is a sixteen week workbook answering the top sixteen questions that disciples have asked during Discipleship One.

Share the “how to use” the workbook instructions found on card twelve.

WEEK two – CARD twelve

Using quick, smart start

share

Quick, Smart Start is the introduction of reading beyond the Bible. The workbook is highly praised and wildly successful at helping jumpstart value for the disciples. Here is how the SD Team uses it.

  1. Each week the disciples work through the next of the sixteen lessons.
  2. Each lesson has sections numbered one to six or seven. Disciples should complete one section a day. This helps build a good discipline but, more importantly, avoids the loss of learning when disciples pack too much in too quickly.
  3. Each week, you review what they read working through the answers to the questions, section by section. Make sure to lean in on the summary questions at the end of each lesson.

WEEK two – CARD thirteen

coach

ask

How else can I help?

Listen well.

WEEK two – CARD ONE

Your focus

This is your first week to ask them how their d-group went. This is your first opportunity to rejoice with them while giving hints and pushes.

WEEK two – CARD two

Your focus

You are preparing them for their first week of covering Bible reading using the highlight method.

WEEK two – CARD three

your focus

You are preparing them to implement the "no cross talk" method.

WEEK two – CARD four

your focus

You are reminding them how to positively encourage disciples to find what is there and focus on applicable truths.

WEEK two – CARD five

coach them

ask

How did your first group go?

Were they excited?
Did they talk?
Was anyone a challenge?
Did they get the plan?


How did you feel?
Were you able to answer their questions?

WEEK two – CARD six

coach them

ask

Were you able to keep control, to be the leader, of your group?

Did anyone repetively interrupt?
Was anyone super silent?
Did anyone try to co-lead?

What questions do you have?

Did you use the Six Hats illustration yet?

WEEK two – CARD seven

six hats detail

Six Thinking Hats is a great book by DeBono on leading groups. Read Six Thinking Hats and how I use it in my first or second meeting before you coach this week. Lead and encourage d-group leaders to share the handout and a brief summary ending with the blue hat. Here are some tips. 

  1. Remind how critical it is that they are in control of the meeting and keeping all discussion one-on-one.
  2. Share the Six Thinking Hats infographic.
  3. Give them a 30,000 foot picture of the hats.
  4. Remind them that they have to keep possession of the blue hat.
  5. Walk through a few examples of how to light-heartedly grab the hat back.
  6. Remind them that this method of one-on-one and leader control is new to most disciples.
  7. Listen to their questions.

WEEK two – CARD eight

coach them

ask

Are you ready to cover their highlights?

  • Who goes first?
  • What do you ask?
  • When do you ask?

Remind them that creating thought vacuums for the Holy Spirit to speak is the goal. Remind them to only speak if they must.

Share the Power of a Question.

  • What do you do if you don’t know an answer?
  • When do you say, “Next highlight?”
  • Do you cover your highlights?

WEEK two – CARD nine

coach them

ask

Are you guys good on the "no cross talk method?

  • Why is no cross-talk important?
  • How do you gently guide this new practice?
  • How do you explain the goal?

Remind them that everyone is in individual discipleship even in a group.

Remind them that their job is protect individual discipleship by not letting anyone interrupt anyone’s moment with the Holy Spirit.

WEEK two – CARD ten

coach them

talk

In the first six weeks, one of your most important tasks is keeping them focused what the Bible actually says and on things that apply.

WEEK two – CARD eleven

highlight focus detail

share

Year one is all about getting truth in them and helping them see the why. It is exegetical learning focused on what the Bible actually says. And it is focused on cool truths and things that apply – not on shekels. Here are some tips. 

  1. Guide them away from “I think this means” and “To me this means.” Affirmingly say, “Cool. But can I ask, what does it actually say?”
  2. Guide them to use “I” language and away from “God is saying to us…” Many disciples will have to break the habit of teaching the room or trying to draw others into their conviction.
  3. Ask how does that apply when there is an application they may not see. This is the hint method. Go easy. When they see it, just move on.
  4. When it just an “aha”, obvious truth, or something they get, just move on saying, “Cool. Next highlight.”

WEEK two – CARD twelve

second meeting agenda

Remind

The second meeting has a unique agenda because leaders need to explain how the meeting works to include Six Hats and no cross-talk.

PRAYER
5 minutes total
“What one thing do you need?”

SIX HATS – CROSS TALK
20-30 minutes

BIBLE REVIEW
55minutes

WEEK two – CARD thirteen

coach

ask

How else can I help?

Listen well.